


Here we go.

by LoudandDangerous



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Fighting Zombies, First Time, Flamethrowers, M/M, More tags as I go, Pyromania, Smut, Stuck in the Walmart, Top!Tyler, Walmart, Zombies, bottom!josh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-22 15:54:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4841447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoudandDangerous/pseuds/LoudandDangerous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You want your first time to be special. Everybody does. Your first time should be special.</p><p>And while Tyler did everything right from the battery-powered candles to the romantic dinner of ramen noodles…</p><p>He didn't have protection. </p><p>There isn't much to do when you call your best friends for info on buying condoms and when you actually do buy condoms, you become trapped in a zombie apocalypse.</p><p>What a wonderful surprise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Surprise, Motherfucker.

Tyler inched closer to Josh on the blanket placed precisely on the floor of his room. He was nervous, Josh could tell. They set this day four months ahead.

 

_The day they would lose their virginities to each other._

 

"Did--Did you like the movie?' He questioned, tripping over his words. 

 

''Can't go wrong with Paul Blart…" Josh smiled sheepishly to ease Tyler, but it only made him tense up more when he remembered that he would forever remember that the day they lost their virginities, they were watching Paul fucking Blart: Mall cop.

 

' _Well, let's get to it._ ' Tyler's thoughts began flurrying. He pulled Josh into a kiss, pushing him down on the blanket slowly. "We can stop if you want." Tyler asked, pressing himself against Josh. 

 

''No." Josh's voice was strained and he was pretty sure he would come in his jeans. The orange sky bled into red while they watched the movie and now that red had bled into the hazy blue-purple sky littered with stars outside the window. Tyler took some time to admire the stars before the movie ended, but the only thing he wanted to see were the constellations in Josh's eyes. He laid atop Josh, wrapping an arm around Josh's waist and gripping ahold of Josh's red hair. The kiss lasted for a fairly long time as Tyler outstretched his arm to grab the box of condoms.

 

The condoms he forgot to buy.

 

He pulled away in horror, panicking at the empty floor beside him.

 

''Are you okay?" Josh was concerned now.

 

''I kinda forgot to buy condoms." He face went red and he was thankful that Josh couldn't see in the dim battery-powered candlelight.

 

"It's okay, we can just go buy some. I mean, we're not in a rush." Josh offered with a smile.

 

''They're not going to sell condoms to a 15-year-old.''

 

''Maybe we can call Brendon? He's done this thousands of time with Ryan.''

 

Tyler looked around for his phone, praying that Brendon would pick up. He swallowed as his hands shook when he dialed the number and stayed silent as it rang.

 

''Tyler, what do you need? Ryan and I were about to get it on in the bathroom of Chuck E Cheese. Also, if I spank him, will the children hear?"

 

''Yes. Ew. And I need help buying condoms." Tyler retorts quickly, wanting this conversation to end as soon as possible.

 

''Oh, so you and Josh were about to do the deed? You were gonna bone him until the entire state of Ohio heard, were't you? Get it on, Ride him 'til the sunrise?'' He's laughing as he says it and from behind Tyler hears children chatting 'Chuck E' and he realizes that Brendon was in fact  _not_ joking about getting it on in a Chuck E Cheese restroom.

 

Tyler swallows his dignity but agrees with Brendon. ''Please can you just help me?" 

 

Brendon sighs into the phone. ''Be there in 10."

* * *

 

The car ride is quiet, Josh and Tyler sitting in the backseat fidgeting while Brendon and Ryan are upfront and struggling to keep their hands off each other. Tyler takes Josh's snapback and puts it on himself, Josh's smile lights up the backseat. 

 

Brendon pulls into the parking lot, it's empty and that strikes something to Tyler that something is off. 

 

The automatic doors open and the four pile in to the deserted store. There's a cashier working, eating Kit-Kat's with a look of monotony on his face and another at the pharmacy. 

 

''You two go look around the store or something, we'll be back with your 'things' later." Brendon winks at Tyler and Josh. He leans down to whisper in Tyler's ear. ''You're gonna have to stand by and cough up your size because I don't want to know right now."

 

Tyler's cheeks go red and Josh is already wandering around the aisles. Tyler makes sure to stay in close vicinity to Brendon and Ryan at the pharmacy counter. He's already lost Josh, but he knows he's still in the Walmart. 

 

Tyler pulls out his wallet, but Brendon slides out his credit card and winks. ''This one's on me. Gotta help you get laid somehow."

 

Brendon tosses his credit card on the counter. He purses his lips and looks at the selection. ''Trojan….'' He gives Tyler a side glance.

 

Tyler fakes a coughing fit, slipping 'Medium' into the obnoxiously loud coughs.

 

''Really? _Isn't that a bit big?_ " Brendon laughs. Tyler wants to curl into a ball and die. He's actually pretty grateful that Josh wasn't around to hear it. He hears a loud clatter in Aisle 17-Camping and Sports. Brendon chooses Medium and tosses the box to Tyler. He mouths 'Thank You' to Brendon and races to find Josh.

 

Brendon reads the name tag. _''Patrick_ , does this Walmart happen to have mattresses? _"_ He's convincing. As if he were actually looking to buy a mattress.

 

Patrick sighs and points to the back of the store. ''Over there." He states lazily. It only take 0.03 seconds for Brendon's grin to grow upon his face and Ryan is mimicking the grin. They stare at each other before Ryan speaks up.

 

_''Race you there."_

* * *

 

There's aluminum baseball bats lining the floor and Josh is clutching a Jurassic World shirt that reads ["I'm Roarsome!"](http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=0CAcQjRxqFQoTCLHJlOPshsgCFcI-PgodFVMBsA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.sears.com%2Funiversal-studios-jurassic-park-boy-s-graphic-t-shirt%2Fp-040VA81526312P&psig=AFQjCNEDkWpm1qo7Mo0SIxw0s8R67S11KA&ust=1442880997545147) 

 

"What the fuck is that?" Tyler smiles as he walks over and begins picking up the bats.

 

''I think it means I'm awesome and…..roaring?" He has a quizzical look on his face. Tyler rolls his eyes and presses a kiss to Josh's cheek.

 

''Let's go." 

 

Tyler is walking to the front when he sees the limping creatures groaning in the parking lot. They're everywhere except for inside the store. Josh drops the aluminum bat, earning a loud clatter as it hits the linoleum floor of the Walmart. Patrick takes notice and shuts the automatic feature to the doors as if the store were closing for the night. The cashier from the front joins him and shouts ''BRACE YOURSELVES!" as he swings open a hatch, pulls a lever and cuts the lights to the store.

 

Tyler can hear Brendon's muffled moaning from the mattress section of the store and cringes when he hears Ryan boom into an orgasm. He tries to drown it out but Ryan's far too loud when he screams Brendon's name and essentially informs the little amount of people in the store that he's gonna--

 

The cashier shuffles towards Tyler and Josh and introduces himself. 

 

''I'm Pete. As you can see…this is the beginning of the end."

 

_Here we go._

 


	2. Going down.

It truly is the beginning of the end and while Tyler would absolutely hate that, he can't help but think such a goofy thought that he cannot fathom telling the rest of them.

 

_"This is like in Paul Blart with the guys who took over the mall.''_

 

Josh grips the aluminum bat and prepares himself. He pulls Tyler closer and stares outside the glass doors. 

 

''No." Pete whispers in the darkness. ''I've read book upon books about the apocalypse. Noise attracts them more. We can't risk you dropping the bat again." 

 

Josh puts down the bat and scowls at it. Wondering why he can't use the possibly deadliest item in the Walmart. 

 

''Okay." Brendon emerges from the mattress aisle with Ryan, hair disheveled, shirt half-buttoned, and pants un-zipped. "Listen. We need to set up a system." He announces. ''Who's going to be the leader?"

 

Josh and Tyler sit down on the floor and watch the 4 older men bicker and argue. Then Brendon throws the first punch and Pete stumbles back. Now Tyler and Josh and inching away from the fight scene. 

 

''What's happening?" Tyler whispers to Josh with panic and fear in his voice. 

 

''The male wolves are fighting over who gets to lead the pack." Josh explains as he gets up and grips Tyler's hand to the back of the store. "Let's go find something to do." He stares back at the fight as Brendon has a bloody nose and Patrick is trying to break up the fight. Brendon pulls his elbow back to punch Pete, but his elbow hits Ryan brutally in the face and send him stumbling on the floor. Brendon doesn't realize what he's done and continues to beat Pete to a pulp.

 

"If I lose my virginity to you in the zombie apocalypse, I believe it's worth it.'' Josh whispers. ''Anyhoo, what if we drove through the doors in that Barbie Jeep?" He points to a disgustingly hot pink jeep in the corner, next to the children's Kia Souls and Fisher Price cars. Tyler almost gags at that damn thing, but instead laughs his ass off. 

 

''YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!" He shouts, falling to his knees from laughter and clenching his sides. 

 

''Well,'' Josh meanders to the car. He leans his elbow on it. ''We could take nice drives around the town…or perhaps just the produce section.  _Look a this lovely pink plastic finish._ Perfect for taking the little ones to soccer practice!" He cannot stifle his laughter as he says it.

 

''I am not getting in that. I am not getting in that. I am not--'' 

* * *

 

Now Tyler is in the damn Jeep with Josh squished in beside him and he wonders if all relationships are like this. He wonders if all relationships have as much fun as he and Josh do. The only other couples in the store are tag team fighting for superiority and Tyler does not classify that as 'Fun'.

 

"I want Twizzlers." Josh mumbles to himself and makes a sharp turn. ''We can eat Twizzlers and watch the fight." Josh snickers as he says it. 

 

''You know, I'm starting to think that roses aren't love. Or chocolates, or romantic dates.''

 

''Love is driving around a Walmart in a Barbie Jeep during the zombie apocalypse with your lover."

 

''Exactly.''

 

"Why are they wasting energy on each other when they could be out, fighting zombies?" Tyler questions when he sees the four still fighting. He rolls his eyes, scoffs and leans when Josh makes another sharp turn. ''What if we took a bunch of things, made them stand upright, then ram a cart through them and call it bowling?"

 

''Once I get my Twizzlers, we can do that."  Josh pecks a kiss to Tyler's forehead and continues driving.

 

Brendon stops throwing punches, his hand hurts, he's tired and now realizes that his argument is wrong. He pulls Ryan from Patrick's punch and stares at Pete and Patrick.

 

''What if we were leaders for different things?" Brendon speaks up. He picks up Josh's aluminum bat from the ground and hands it to Pete, he stares suspiciously before taking it. ''You guys fucking _work here._ Perhaps you guys should lead? Once we get somewhere that Ryan and I know, we'll take over leadership?" A Twizzler bitch slaps him in the face and he turns to Josh and Tyler sitting in a Barbie Jeep.

 

''That's boring. Fight again." He smirks.

 

''Josh, they're older than us. Therefore, they can kill us." Tyler whispers, taking a Twizzler out of his mouth. Josh rolls his eyes. 

 

''So, Lost boys. Where's Peter takin' us next?"

 

''Neverland." Pete smirks. "Actually, there's a barricade in the Chuck E Cheese down the street."

 

Brendon and Ryan stop, stare at Pete and grin. ''Chuck E Cheese?" He leans to whisper in Ryan's ear. ''I think I have my tickets still. If we go, we can get that police role play set." Ryan grins wider.

 

''The one with the handcuffs?"

 

"The one with the handcuffs." Brendon confirms.

 

"We can take one of the Walmart pick up trucks. Perhaps we should prepare?" Patrick informs.

 

Pete holds the bat and smacks it twice in his palm. "Survival gear is in aisle 17. Snacks are in 12. Assorted bullshit is all around the store. Once we finish, get ready to beat some zombie motherfuckers.''

 

Ryan laughs quietly. ''I got a book from Barnes and Noble about surviving the apocalypse. If you guys have a book section, I might be able to find it. It talks about weapons, food, cars and pretty much everything.'" 

 

''Then go find the book, get what you need and get the fuck back here." Pete shouts.

 

''Yesterday, we were boys from Columbus. Now, we're  _zombie hunting_ boys from Columbus." Patrick announces.

 

"Yup! and I bet only 3 of us are gonna die." Josh breaks the triumphant vibe.

 

"Only  _3 of us."_ Tyler sarcastically answers.

 

"Get ready, bitches." Brendon smirks. ''If we go down, we're taking zombies with us."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: I listened the the MLP Friendship Games soundtrack while writing this.


	3. Shitpost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UGGH….
> 
>  
> 
> WHY HAVENT I FINISHED PITY PARTY?!

Brendon sprints while the rest follow behind. He's looking over a map of the town and town center, he's thinking of routes to take that'll avoid the zombies. 

 

''Does anybody know how to throw a piano?" Brendon turns around swiftly and stares innocently at the other boys.

 

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Josh scrunches his face and Tyler's heart skips a beat. "I can throw Tyler." He smiles and Tyler's heart is racing faster. "I've got drummer's arms." He grips Tyler by the waist and hoists him above his head. "I got this."

 

''Put Tyler down, he's about to have a heart attack." Ryan shouts at Josh, Tyler is hyperventilating in his arms. 

 

''Why do we need to throw a piano?" Pete scowls at the idea.

 

"Pianos are comically heavy. Crushing zombies. It just makes sense." Brendon smiles and shrugs.

 

''That makes just as much sense as that John Cena meme." Patrick retorts.

 

"Our lives are just a shitpost." Ryan shamefully looks to the ground.

 

''But it's a good one." Brendon slings his arms around Ryan, kissing sweetly. He looks up to Pete and Patrick. ''Where the hell are we going?….without the piano?" 

 

''The Chuck E Cheese is used during storms. The basement is a tunnel of the city, if we can make it there without dying, we can see if there are other survivors." Pete eyes a map of the town. ''Let's see….'' 

 

"Utility truck." Patrick is on the ladder, gripping a box and tossing it down to the floor. Chainsaw. "Oh…and Pete?" Pete looks up from the map. ''…you can use Sally today." Pete grins and runs off, blond hair fading in the distance. 

 

''Who's Sally?" Tyler asks, still in Josh's grip.

 

''Matchbox. Pete's got pyromania. Real bad too." He hops from the ladder, ripping open the box and sending packing peanuts flying. There's a brief happy squeal from where Pete ran off, red and orange flashing brightly. "NOT YET!" Patrick shouts, but it's already set ablaze. He groans, running off to the room and leaving Brendon, Ryan, Tyler and Josh alone.

 

''That sounds like some Five Nights At Freddy's shit right there." Brendon steps back. "I'm not going.''

 

"Then you die and that's bad because I won't have anyone to fuck." Ryan pouts, pulling Brendon closer.

 

''You guys ever realize that if we do defeat the zombies, we are the last of humanity?" Josh stares at the ceiling. 

 

''What the fuck are you talking about?"

 

''Well, Brendon can't get Ryan pregnant and Pete and Patrick are just a really confusing 'Will they? Won't they?' It's never established that they're dating and if we don't find any survivors that can get pregnant, with anyone willing to fuck them, then we're screwed."

 

The room is silent, Brendon and Ryan staring at each other in realization that Josh is right.

 

''Oh my god." Brendon utters. "It's the end of the world."

 

Or, you know, just the state of Ohio.

**Author's Note:**

> "I'm Roarsome'' is actually a link.
> 
> I might be providing visuals for this particular fanfic.


End file.
